Being married to a narcissist can be a hard experience. Living with someone who is self-absorbed, manipulative, and lacks empathy can make you feel isolated, alone, worthless, and helpless. And if you have children with them? If you’re wondering, “Is my husband a narcissist?” there are some telltale signs of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) that can help you make an educated guess. Here’s what to look for.
Narcissism signs are typically difficult to recognize at the beginning of a relationship. However, as time passes, these indicators can be observed more easily. This article will help you determine the presence of any of the signs of narcissism.
Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Let’s look at some of the traits that people with Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) could display. Although many of these behavior patterns could indicate Narcissistic personality disorder, only a psychiatrist can make a definitive diagnosis.
1. You Don’t Feel Connected
Your partner has conversations with you whenever it’s convenient. But, they’ve never asked what you plan to do in the future or how you can collaborate to make your life the way you want it to be.
They always boast about their achievements and themselves, but rarely ask questions about the surrounding events. Their happiness is derived from outside sources, like financial success and prestige at work. It is a mystery if they are capable of experiencing romantic affection or emotional bond.
2. You Feel Manipulated
Your partner may use subtle threats throughout your relationship. They may not be clear in their statements; however, you’ll feel that there will be bad consequences if you don’t take action for them or surrender to their demands. Sometimes, it’s simpler to accept the way they’re going even though you don’t agree with it. This is a method for manipulating and controlling their partner to achieve what they desire.
Most often, people involved in these relationships do not remember what was happening before when the manipulative act began.
3. You Don’t Feel Good Enough.
You feel a sense of inadequateness that isn’t in line with the accomplishments you’ve made in your daily life. Your spouse is likely to criticize you or make negative remarks regarding the things you do. You’ve lost interest in the things you used to take pleasure in because you’re not able to find the time anymore.
Perhaps you’re always exhausted, and you’re finding it hard to get up early in the morning. You’ve been hiding some things from your friends and family members, or you’re embarrassed by the things that happen within your home. You cover up what you or your partner does, doesn’t do.
4. You’re Constantly Being Gaslighted
If someone keeps denying facts you know are truthful, they’re making fun of the truth about you. This is usually seen in controlling or abusive relationships and is a typical method used by narcissists.
For instance, the spouse of yours may make a statement like “You just don’t remember right” regarding something you are aware of happening. They could convince you into believing that events never occurred, or that they did something due to something you said or did earlier.
Your spouse might lie about your actions and attempt to alter the facts to fit their interpretation of events instead of what happened. You may begin to doubt yourself, and you’ll feel like you’re losing your mind.
If your spouse is doing this in the presence of family members, these people might be tempted to think that the problem is with you and not your spouse. It is difficult for people to comprehend what is happening behind closed doors since your spouse is so attractive in the public eye.
5. You Avoid Conversations
It could appear that all conversations with your husband will end with a fight, regardless of how hard you try to stay in the middle and not be upset over the things you hear or see. Narcissists constantly try to press you to cause you to respond by controlling the other person’s emotions. Can give them a sense of satisfaction.
It’s often simpler to stay out of conversations than taking on the mind games.
6. You Feel Responsible for Everything
Narcissists believe that everything is someone else’s responsibility, even the things they do wrong. It is not possible to get an apology from a selfish person. They don’t consider the other individuals in the same position as them; therefore, it is understandable that apologizing is not impossible.
Your narcissistic spouse probably does not take responsibility for their actions and constantly blames the other. If there is a problem and you are at fault, even if you were to blame.
Everything that goes wrong in their lives happens due to you, leaving you feeling that you’re not able to do anything to make things better.
7. You’re Walking on Eggshells
Are you feeling like you’re being a twit because you can’t tell which spouse is likely to be at their most moody?
Then, all is well, and then something small occurs, and they get into a fury? A minor incident like an employee being praised for their accomplishment and your spouse being left feeling unnoticed could trigger a narcissist to have a major rage. This is called Narcissistic anger.
You may feel as though you’ve lost your identity because every decision you make is dependent on keeping your narcissistic spouse content.
8. You See Through the Charm
At first glance, everyone believes your spouse is adorable. It’s just because they’re great at concealing their true color when they’re in public. They’ll say the best things, and people adore their company, but when they discover that you’re on your own with your partner, everything is different.
The switch is turned off, and you’re dealing with a different person from the one everybody else sees from the outside.
9. You Feel Criticized Constantly
Your spouse is incredibly concerned about your looks. They may make remarks about your weight, clothing, or your hairstyle. They might make jokes about you or bring you down, sometimes behind your back, but usually in front of you.
They ridicule other people, particularly those they believe are “lesser” than them (i.e., someone less attractive or richer). They tend to be extremely critical of everyone.
10. Your Needs Are Ignored
Your spouse will only be thinking about their personal needs and how they affect them. They don’t think about the other person’s, including the children’s when you have children. They will only make decisions to benefit themselves and is not for you or the relationship you share.
Here are a few examples of the things your spouse could do:
- Looking to have sex whenever you want it. However, not as much when you need it.
- Crediting themself for your effort.
- Affirming that certain children are better than others in the family when they feel that one child looks better.
11. Your Family Is Warning You (or Is Oblivious)
Your family members have informed you that they aren’t happy with the way your spouse treats you. Your family may be unaware of anything wrong since your spouse gives them false information about your behavior. In any case, your spouse can be the source of contention about relations with your family.
12. You’ve Been Cheated On
Narcissists are usually a master of flirting and could be behaving in a shady way. They are attractive and can make people feel like they are on top of the world. You might find yourself continuously asking yourself if your spouse has been loyal due to their flirting.
It is possible that your partner has been cheating several times, and there’s no reason why they can’t do it once more.
13. You Feel Unloved
When you first started a relationship, you were the most beautiful person on earth. However, as time passed and difficulties arose, your partner started to reduce and disdain your worthiness and esteem. This is an alarming warning sign that they aren’t the person they claimed to be.
You were likely getting love bombs, in the beginning, to help you get addicted, but once you got married, the love bombs stopped.
14. You Get the Silent Treatment
Your partner will use silence treatment as a way to influence you. They’ll stifle affection and avoid your presence until they are good to you again, typically only when it can help the other person in some fashion (like receiving the things they would like).
You may think that this kind of behavior is commonplace or maybe “expected” of married people. But the reality is that this behavior is not an integral part of a healthy, caring, and respectful relationship.
15. You’re Stuck Financially
If there’s one thing Narcissists can succeed at, it’s to profit from their spouses’ finances. You may be paying for everything while your spouse can’t hold the job they have or work. Or, their job could bring in lots of money, but they’re not showing you the money.
If that’s the case, then it’s likely your spouse is spending each dollar on their own needs and doesn’t plan to give it all away at this time or in the future.
16. You Can’t Rely on Your Spouse.
If they make promises, it’s impossible to be sure if they’ll keep the promises. Narcissists are known for making promises, only breaking them whenever it’s convenient. They don’t feel like there is a person you can trust, but you are the sole provider.
17. You’ve Asked, They Won’t Change
Narcissists don’t want to change, since it could mean admitting that they aren’t themselves. And they don’t admit to such things. However, certain people will proudly acknowledge that they’re narcissists. However, they will claim that they are not the only ones who have an issue.
When your partner isn’t willing to alter their behavior, it could indicate your spouse is a person who is a narcissist.
What Can you do
If your partner does attempt to make a change in their behavior, it’s important to praise them. Be specific. For example, if they’re trying to listen to your ideas rather than forcing their own, let them know you feel respected and heard, and how valuable that is to you.
Don’t be afraid of seeking professional help. A healthy relationship will require you to establish boundaries and set expectations. A couple’s therapist may be a good place to start.
Professional help is necessary for anyone who is married to or living with a narcissist. The narcissist must realize the potential impact this can have on the relationship. The other partner will need support and guidance along the way.
Remember that you don’t have to be married to a narcissist to get out of the relationship.
Those in trouble to assess if the relationship is worth keeping. Leaving can only fix the negative impact.