If you’re struggling to break a destructive relationship pattern, this same pattern may have been holding you back from living your best life. For instance, if you find yourself in a relationship where you feel as if your voice doesn’t count or that you’re unfairly treated, it might be because of the negative way in which you speak to yourself regularly.
When we are in a destructive relationship and do not know how to get out, we first need to acknowledge that fact. This can be difficult because you think everything is fine and normal when you are in it.
You may also have given up hope that things could change, or you feel powerless to take any action at all.
But here is a step to step guide to solve this puzzle.
1. What are my destructive relationship patterns?
In destructive relationships, it’s easy to get caught up in unhealthy behavior that can make you feel worse than you did before you started. Each relationship has its own unique patterns, but some patterns are universal.
Key patterns to look out for:
- Blame: You blame your partner for everything that goes wrong.
- Control: You try to control your partner to keep him or her from leaving.
- Minimizing: You minimize the importance of your partner’s emotional or physical abuse.
- Righteousness: You think you have a right to abuse your partner or that your partner deserves it.
- Caring patterns: You are giving too much and receiving nothing. You think you are a great person, and it’s your moral obligation to do so.
2. What is the reason I am holding on to it?
I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I’ve had some pretty destructive relationships in my life. Even though those relationships were all over, I have still held onto the feelings of sadness and resentment. It’s easy for me to blame myself for letting things get out of hand, but the truth is, in the long term, today I am okay.
You have to take hard steps for your future best self. There are some possible reasons you are holding on to it:
- You are afraid of losing them.
- You feel it will end your life.
- You think you deserve this kind of relationship.
- It is normal to live in an abusive relationship.
3. What would happen if I let go of this pattern?
When we’re caught in old, repetitive behavior patterns, it can be easy to think that there’s no other way. We can feel stuck like we’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
But there’s always another way to be. Nothing will happen. You will get freedom.
4. What will I do differently from now on?
When you break a destructive relationship pattern, you need to accept that you are in a different place than you were before. You have learned and grown, and you are in a new place where you can move forward.
You may feel sad or angry about your situation, but it is important to focus on what you can do now.
Bottom Line
Your partner maybe your best friend, but they can also be a great source of pain and frustration. To break your destructive relationship patterns, you must first identify them and recognize when you repeat the same hurtful patterns.
Once you know these patterns, it’s time to move forward into a new future where you and your partner have a healthier relationship based on trust and respect for each other. And best way to do this is to follow this guideline described above.