Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a healthy marriage. The ability to trust and feel safe with your partner is central to feeling comfortable in your relationship.
Many couples claim to not have enough emotional intimacy in their marriages. The truth is, certain signs can help you know if you are lacking this or it is already too late, and you are already into a state of emotional deprivation.
What is Emotional Intimacy?
Emotional intimacy is the type of connection between two people in which they feel as if they are connected to each other. It is a very personal and intimate form of communication, which can be shared between couples or friends. It allows you to share your feelings with another person without fear of judgment or embarrassment.
It involves expressing emotions, sharing thoughts and feelings, receiving support from another person, and feeling that both individuals have mutual respect.
In some cases, it also involves physical touch, such as holding hands or hugging each other when needed. Emotional intimacy is an important part of being in a relationship where it provides the basis for building trust and talking about sensitive issues with one’s partner.
What Lack of emotional intimacy looks like?
- It is being in the same room but feeling alone.
- Being physically together but feeling disconnected.
- Feel like you’re in a loveless, or even worse, a hateful marriage.
- You feel like your spouse doesn’t understand you.
- You do not feel like your spouse cares about you.
- Not feel like you and your spouse are on the same wavelength.
- Feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your spouse.
- Feel like you don’t have any emotional intimacy in your marriage.
Why is Emotional Intimacy Important?
- A relationship is built on trust and honesty, the foundation of emotional intimacy.
- Emotional intimacy makes you feel connected to your partner and builds a strong bond between you two.
- It allows you to share your feelings so that both of you can grow closer together.
- Emotional intimacy can be found in minor things, like touching the arm or embracing after sharing a tender moment.
- The bond between two people that forms through emotional intimacy can last for life, creating deeper connections than any other type of relationship.
- It’s the key to a happy marriage.
- Emotional intimacy helps you communicate with your partner and understand each other better.
- Your spouse will be more attracted to you, which every couple wants in their relationship.
5 Signs there is no emotional intimacy in your marriage
Most people ignore these five signs, which leads to a loveless and emotionally starved marriage.
1. The lack of physical affection
In a healthy marital relationship, there should always be a significant level of physical affection. This means that you’re not just using sex as a tool to express your love for your partner, but you’re touching them in a way that shows them you care.
This isn’t something that many people are comfortable with, but it’s a crucial part of a healthy marriage. If you’re not engaging in physical affection with your partner, you’re likely to have problems in your marriage.
Physical affection is one thing that can help deepen your emotional connection with your spouse.
“The Human Touch Is a Fundamental Need.”
2. Verbal and emotional abuse
Verbal and emotional abuse is one of the significant causes of divorce. It may start as an argument or a disagreement, but it can quickly turn into a destructive and emotionally damaging pattern of behavior.
Verbal and emotional abuse can take many forms, from constant put-downs to name-calling, yelling, yelling at inanimate objects, using sarcasm, intimidation, or insults. Many abusers use their children to outlet their frustrations and anger.
If it happens in your marriage, it is a clear sign that there is no emotional intimacy between you and your spouse.
3. The lack of generosity
One of the top signs that your marriage lacks emotional intimacy is the lack of generosity. This can be shown in many ways, but the most apparent display of a lack of generosity is when one spouse refuses to support the other financially.
When there is a lack of generosity, one spouse will have to take care of all the bills, pay for the dates, or otherwise spend money without any expectation of reciprocation.
The lack of generosity can also be seen in emotional giving. For example, one spouse might always be giving emotional support, emotional listening, and other types of emotional intimacy, but the other spouse will not reciprocate.
The lack of generosity is a very toxic sign because it shows that one spouse is unwilling to give to their partner. The spouse that is not giving is not able to receive. This is detrimental to the marriage because it prevents the spouses from genuinely connecting.
4. Disgusting and irresponsible behavior
You will know that someone is not emotionally intimate with you if they constantly argue with you and call you names. They do not respect you. If someone is emotionally intimate with you, they will not disrespect you or talk to you in a bad way.
They will not negatively affect you, and they will not put you down. They will also not be constantly complaining about you. If someone is emotionally intimate with you, they will be happy and content with you.
They will not constantly be thinking about someone else and certainly not someone else’s children. If a person is emotionally intimate with you, they will be loyal to you.
They will not go off and sleep with someone else behind your back. They will not constantly be looking at other men or women. If a person is emotionally intimate with you, they will be honest with you and not lie for any reason at all. They will not cheat on you.
5. The absence of meaningful conversations
Fear of conflict is the biggest killer of intimacy in marriage. Intimacy is a shared experience of vulnerability. It’s the willingness to get naked in front of another person and say, “I love you, and I’m not afraid of you.”
If a couple’s intimacy is eroding, they’re probably not having meaningful conversations. The problem with this is that meaningful conversations are the very thing that brings intimacy.
When you talk about something big and important to you, you’re putting yourself on the line. You’re saying, “I think this, and I’m willing to defend it.” When you do that, you’re vulnerable.
Intimacy is built on vulnerability. If a couple stops talking about the important things to them, it’s a warning sign that they’re losing intimacy.
If you’re married for a long time, but don’t remember the last time you’ve held hands with your partner, then it’s about time to rekindle the spark of love that’s gradually fading.
Emotional intimacy is the key to a happy marriage. It’s not enough to have sex and be physically intimate; it’s essential to create an emotional connection with your partner. This will help you develop a stronger bond, build trust, and improve communication in your relationship.