This incident happened to my friend; she is amazing and caring—no need to mention the characters’ names. But you can learn from this story that Narcissists have many faces, and you can’t trust them.
A friend recently asked me to tell if her boyfriend was a narcissist. She said he had been acting very strange lately and she didn’t know what to make of it. He seemed to be enjoying his life too much and spending money freely without regard for the future.
She thought maybe he was having an affair, but she couldn’t be sure. It wasn’t until she started reading some articles on Narcissism that she realized that there were signs that he might be a narcissist.
She told me that he would often get angry at her for no apparent reason, even though she hadn’t done anything wrong. He also became jealous quickly and sometimes accused her of flirting with other men.
When she tried to talk to him about this, he would become defensive and deny everything. He also made fun of her appearance, saying things like, “you look so ugly today.”
She felt really bad about herself as she knew that she was attractive and that most people liked her. She also knew that she was intelligent and hard-working. But somehow, despite all these good qualities, she always got the feeling that she was never enough for him. He seemed to think that everyone else was more beautiful than her.
It took her years to realize that her boyfriend was a narcissist. At first, she thought he was rude and mean, but then she noticed some behaviors. After a while, she realized that he behaved in ways that showed a narcissist.
He would constantly put himself down. For example, he would say things like “I am such a loser” or “I am useless.” He also used to boast about his achievements, telling her how many girls he had slept with or how successful he was in business.
He would also use sarcasm and put her down whenever she did something well. He would ask her if she would go out tonight and then mock her when she replied yes. He would laugh at her attempts to cook healthy meals and call her stupid or ignorant.
He would also try to control every aspect of her life. He wanted to dictate where she went and who she saw. He would even want to know what she ate and drank. He would start calling her phone incessantly if she ever left the house without telling him where she was going. He would also check up on her friends and family.
When she finally decided to leave him, he accused her of cheating on him. He claimed that she had been seeing another man behind his back. This was not true, but she was afraid.
He would also lie to her about everything. He would claim that he had lost his job because he was incompetent when he had just been fired in reality. He would also lie about his whereabouts.
When I met with her, she told me that she was still in contact with him. She said that they are now living together again and treating her differently. He has stopped making fun of her looks and seems to have changed. However, she thinks that he is still a narcissist.
After three months, I got her call; she cried that he had abused her physically. I tried to tell her when she again turned to him, but she didn’t consider the red flags.
Narcissists are masters of manipulation, and they’ll do whatever it takes to get you on their side. It’s normal to feel flattered by the attention at first. They’re charismatic, outgoing, funny, and charming — until you realize they only care about themselves.
They’ll tell you what you want to hear, and they’ll use flattery to get their way. They don’t care about your feelings or your needs.
They may even try to make you feel guilty for not wanting to have sex with them.
You should not ignore red flags; think twice if you want to fall again for them.