When you decide to leave a narcissist, you will experience a rollercoaster of emotions. You’ll go through the stages of grief. You may initially feel relief and happiness that you’ve had the courage to leave. You could then feel angry, resentful, and bitter. You may then feel guilty and anxious.
You eventually become depressed and even suicidal. After the anger, resentment, and guilt subside, you’ll realize what a mess you’re in. It’s not easy to leave a narcissist.
It’s not as easy as it sounds to leave a narcissist. You can’t just decide that you’re going to leave, go to their house, say, “Bye. I’m leaving you,” and expect them to take it.
As hard as it sounds, that’s how an unfortunate amount of people try to deal with a narcissist. The problem with trying to leave a narcissist is that, to them, it’s like you’re trying to leave an abusive relationship. You’re going to be on their radar.
You’re going to be treated badly. You’re going to be talked about. You’re going to be threatened. You’re going to get an earful. You’re going to be treated like a piece of dirt. You’re going to be told that they’ll never let you go, that they’ll never let you leave. In this post, I discuss some of the things you should avoid doing when you decide to leave a Narcissist:
1. Be aware of your own insecurities.
Everyone has insecurities, whether we like to admit it or not. It’s those moments when we feel most vulnerable, like when we’re about to end a relationship with someone or we’re about to embark on a new chapter in our lives.
And if you’re not careful, those insecurities can become a part of your decision-making process when you decide to leave a narcissist. So, as you begin to contemplate leaving your narcissist, you have to face your own insecurities head-on.
You have to look at yourself in the mirror and acknowledge that maybe there are things that you’re so insecure about that you’re not even aware of.
2. Don’t make rushed decisions.
One of the biggest mistakes you could make when leaving a narcissist is rushing into the decision to leave. It is natural to want to get out of the situation as soon as possible, but you shouldn’t make rash decisions.
Think about what would happen if you didn’t leave. If you don’t want to be in a relationship, why are you staying? If you want to leave, how can you take steps in the right direction?
How can you get out of the situation? These are all questions you should ask yourself. You shouldn’t be afraid to take the time you need to make the right decision. It will be worth it in the end.
3. Don’t tell the narcissist about your decision to leave.
The first thing to remember is that you are never safe when breaking up with a narcissist. The narcissist will always lie, cheat, and manipulate to get what they want, and they want you back.
When you tell the narcissist you are breaking up with them; they will try to convince you to stay. They will say anything in an attempt to get you back. They will also use threats, intimidation, and psychological or emotional abuse to try to keep you.
You must remember that the narcissist will not change because you have left. They have been controlling, manipulative, and abusive for a long time and do not care about you.
They will never change and will only try to hurt you more. You must avoid telling the narcissist anything about your plans to leave. The best thing to do is to leave without saying a word.
4. Don’t try to get the narcissist to feel guilty.
If you’re leaving a narcissist, you’re probably doing it because you want to live a normal life and be happy. You’ve started to see the narcissist’s faults, and you want out. The narcissist has probably manipulated you and played mind games with you, and you’ve finally decided to be your own person.
You want to get the narcissist to feel guilty and see that they’ve hurt you, but don’t do this. You can’t get a narcissist to feel guilty, and you shouldn’t try. You’re better off without the narcissist, so don’t attempt to get them to feel bad. You’ll only waste your time.
6. Don’t try to fix the narcissist.
If you are no longer with the narcissist or are planning to leave, do not waste your time trying to fix them. Trying to fix the narcissist is a waste of time. They do not want to be fixed.
They like who they are. They know how you feel about them, and they don’t care. They don’t care because they do not love you. Narcissists love themselves. It is not possible for them to love anyone else. You are not a person to them; you are an object.
You are not a human being; you are a doll, a toy. You are not a real woman. You are a trophy. You are a status symbol. You are a piece of furniture, a prop, a figurehead, a puppet. That is why they don’t care about you. They have no empathy for you. They do not feel your pain, your heartache, your despair. They do not feel your frustration.
They do not care about you as a person. They only care about you as an object. They only love you when you are an object. Once you change, you are no longer an object. Therefore, you are no longer loved.
7. Don’t stay for the kids (if applicable).
Narcissists will often use their children to blackmail you into staying with them. This is because a narcissist knows that you want to protect your children and keep them safe, and they will use your love for them to convince you to stay married to them.
The truth is that staying with a narcissist to protect your children is only hurting them. If you are being blackmailed, you must tell the narcissist that you will leave them if they continue to blackmail you, and don’t listen to any of their arguments to stay.
The best thing you can do for your children is to leave the narcissist to grow up without the emotional abuse and neglect that is commonly present in the narcissistic family. If you are being blackmailed with your children, you need to remember that the narcissist will never truly care about what is best for your children. They only care about what is best for them and their image.
8. Grab your things and get out.
Let me start by saying that I am not a therapist, but I can tell you what I would do if I were in your shoes. I would grab my things and get out. I would leave my husband and never look back. There is no hope for your marriage to improve once your husband exhibits these narcissistic tendencies, especially after cheating. He doesn’t respect you, and he will never respect you.
Your opinion doesn’t matter to him. He is not going to change. He is not going to stop cheating. The only way to escape the abuse and heartache is to leave him. You will never be happy if you stay. Your happiness is something that you need to fight for. You need to take control of your life.
You need to be the person in control of your own happiness. You need to be the person making the decisions and not your husband. You can decide to leave. You can decide to be happy. You can decide to live.
Don’t let the narcissist make you feel guilty about leaving; it’s a decision for you to make, not them.
When you decide to leave a narcissist, there will be some people in your life who will try and make you feel guilty about it. It’s sad, but this is something that you will have to deal with because they will not understand. They will want to tell you why you should stay and why you shouldn’t leave.
The thing is, they are not going to understand your reasons for leaving, so don’t even bother trying to explain yourself. Just tell them that you have to do what feels right to you and that they should respect your decision.