Monster or Mother? Signs and Traits of a Narcissistic Mother

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Fahim Chughtai

Narcissistic mothers are like a monster in horror movies — the more you try to escape them, the more power they have over you. This article is about recognizing a narcissistic mother by looking for the telltale signs and how to deal with her effectively without falling into her trap.

When we are born, we have no way of understanding life. We have no say in what we are called or taught. We have no say in what our parents look like or do. We have no say in the rules our parents set for us. In a sense, we are at the complete mercy of the adults in our lives.

This is why mothers are so important. They are the first person to love us unconditionally and give us hope in the world. But what happens when this isn’t the case? What happens when a mother is controlling, manipulative, and abusive? What happens when we realize that our mother is a narcissistic person? What happens when we realize our mother is not a “mother “at all?

If a mother is a narcissist, both her children and her partner might be the ones to suffer from her cold and indifferent attitude. The narcissistic mother is a truly captivating character. She possesses the ability to turn the most blissful home into an emotional war zone. She can make her children feel worthless and unloved, and her partner feels like a stranger in his own home. The narcissistic mother’s children are likely to feel confused, depressed, and anxious. They might be so scared of their mother that they avoid her and go to great lengths to please her.

How to recognize a narcissistic mother? (Signs of a narcissistic mother)

  1. High demands for perfection
  2. Envy of others and easily jealous
  3. Sarcasm, even in situations where sarcasm is not appropriate or justified
  4. Unable to express emotions openly and may appear cold, distant, or indifferent
  5. “Do as I say, not as I do” attitude — this can be either mild or severe depending on the degree of power the mother has over her children.
  6. Unreasonable expectations with no accountability if they are not met
  7. Always have an answer that is perfect and never admit fault.
  8. May encourage their children to lie to feel superior to others who tell the truth.
  9. May use child-like behavior like denial, anger, irrational reactions when confronted with reality.
  10. They may also be physically abusive towards their children at times and emotionally neglectful by treating them like possessions rather than human beings (not enough love)
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The impact of narcissistic mothers on Children

The impact of narcissistic mothers on children is the most harmful because it affects their personality and mental health. The negative effects[1]verywellhealth.com include low self-esteem, depression, anxiety disorders, social phobia, low tolerance for frustration, and aggression problems. In addition to this, narcissists are more likely to have substance abuse problems.

A narcissistic mother can have a devastating impact on her Children’s self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and overall confidence. She can make them feel as though they are not never good enough, but that’s not all.

A narcissistic mother can often pass on this trait [2]Washingtonpost.comto her daughter, causing a cycle of abuse that can last for generations. This type of abuse doesn’t always come from a mother. It can come from a father, brother, or even a grandmother. It’s important to remember that the people who make you feel less-than, who make you feel like you aren’t good enough, are often doing it out of their insecurities.

10 Traits of a Narcissistic mother(General)

The ten traits of narcissistic mothers are:

  1. Inability to care about others
  2. They are constantly giving orders and expecting obedience.
  3. Telling lies with a straight face and pretending that they are the truth
  4. Lying about everything from their appearance to their accomplishments in life
  5. Inconsiderate, selfish, and irresponsible attitude towards work, home, family, and children
  6. Disrespecting everyone’s feelings without any sense of guilt or shame
  7. Controlling people through intimidation and blackmailing
  8. Excessive criticism is meant to put others down by making them feel inferior or guilty for some reason.
  9. Controlling others through physical abuse by hitting, kicking, slapping, or using other forms of violence against people they deem as inferior beings is more accessible than confronting them on issues that matter to them like money, fame, etc.
  10. They are not letting anyone stand up for themselves even if they threaten physical harm to themselves or others, such as cutting themselves with knives or burning themselves with cigarettes.
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How to deal with a Narcissistic Mother?

How to deal with Narcissistic Mothernbsp- Narcissist Blog
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  • Respect her but don’t agree with everything she says.
  • Keep your distance from your narcissistic mother.
  • Be aware that she is only projecting onto you and will never accept any fault on herself or you for that matter.
  • Always remind yourself that Narcissistic Mothers are not responsible for their actions and do not have any sense of guilt or remorse about anything they do, including abusing their children (if they abuse their children).
  • Don’t let her see you cry or upset; it’ll only make her feel good about herself, and you will be a victim to manipulation again in the future.
  • If she is raising you, raise yourself (I know this sounds harsh). You can always ask for help from your father, who may not be able to do much. Still, he will at least give you an ear and advice when you need it most, and that’s more than what a narcissistic mother can offer to you in life because she only wants to use your voice for her benefit, so never let her dictate how much of your time should be spent on her and how much should be spent on yourself!
  • Learn how to forgive easily; learning how to forgive someone who has hurt you is like unleashing the demons within us, which are usually bottled up by anger & bitterness towards others. Sometimes we need these emotions just as much as we need air-conditioning in summer & heater during winter seasons.
  • Try doing things for yourself rather than trying to please everyone else around you! Remember: It’s better to lose a toxic person than 100 friends.
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Learn how to communicate effectively with them to make them understand what they are doing wrong without attacking them personally and hurting them further by being rude or taking offense at every word they say to you.

It is also an attempt to project some emotional charge on you to try and manipulate you into believing that everything they say is correct even though it isn’t and cause more pain in the process which will make matters worse than before.

Bottom Line

If you struggle to deal with a narcissistic mother, you are not alone. Narcissistic mothers can be tough to spot, but with a bit of knowledge and understanding, you can start to deal with them in the best possible way.

In this article, I discuss some of the key signs and traits of narcissistic mothers and provide tips on dealing with them. If you have experienced or are dealing with narcissistic behavior from your mother, don’t hesitate to share your story in the comments below. Together, we can learn more about coping with these mothers and help them reach their full potential.

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