The covert narcissist is a special type of narcissist, which has the elements of insecurity, passivity, and the desire to see oneself as unique. While true narcissists tend to show their grandiose self to the world openly, covert narcissists are coping by hiding their grandiosity behind a false facade.
What is a Covert Narcissist?
A covert narcissist exhibits traits typically associated with narcissism but hide or cover up their Narcissistic behavior. Covert narcissists often have perfect public faces and may seem charming and successful, but they can be very self-centered and selfish underneath the surface.
They may have difficulty trusting others and may feel entitled to special treatment. They can be very manipulative and often use people for their gain.
Covert Narcissist is a term coined by Dr. Sam Vaknin in his book Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited, published in 2001. The book discusses the characteristics of people considered to be Covert Narcissists and how they function behind the scenes without anyone realizing it.
The primary characteristic of covert narcissists is that they have an extremely high opinion of themselves but hide this fact from others, making them seem self-effacing or humble. They may even act modestly to make others feel good about themselves and maintain their inflated view of themselves as superior beings.
A second major trait displayed by covert narcissists is their lack of empathy for other people’s feelings and needs. This often leads them to consider other people as objects or tools to serve their own goals rather than as human beings with needs and feelings that matter just as much, if not more, than theirs do.
They also tend to disregard the consequences of their actions on other people’s lives (e.g., setting up dates with married women).
4 subtle signs of a covert narcissist
There are signs through them you can recognize the covert narcissists:
1. The Mask Is Always Up
The covert narcissist always seems to control, appearing self-assured and confident. They may come across as cocky or even arrogant, but beneath the mask is a fragile and insecure person who feels overwhelmed by their own needs. They may have a strong sense of entitlement and believe they are always right, making them difficult to deal with.
2. They Are Always One Step Ahead of You
The covert narcissist always seems to be one step ahead of you. They know what you’re thinking, what you’re going to say, and what you’re going to do. They know how to manipulate you and use your feelings against you. It can be hard to escape their grasp, but you must do. If you let them control your life, they will eventually destroy it.
3. They Are Conceited and Arrogant
The third indicator of a covert narcissist is arrogance. They believe they are superior to others and view themselves as infallible. This can be seen in their comments, actions, and attitudes. They often feel entitled to special treatment and may be unyielding when confronted with criticism.
4. They Have a Sense of entitlement
A hallmark of covert narcissists is a sense of entitlement. They believe that they are special and deserve unique treatment, even taking advantage of others. They may be very demanding, often expecting complete obedience from those around them.
They may also be excessively self-promoting, seeking to have the spotlight on them at all times. If you feel like you are constantly being put in your place or treated unfairly by a person you’re dating or working with, it might be worth considering whether that person is secretly a covert narcissist.
Why are covert narcissists more dangerous?
There are two main reasons covert narcissists are more dangerous than other narcissists. The first reason is that they can often conceal their true personalities and intentions from others. They may appear to be warm, caring, and supportive when interacting with others, but underneath this facade, they may be harboring deep-seated resentment and anger towards those around them.
This can make them extremely difficult to deal with, as they can often keep their true intentions hidden from those around them.
The second reason covert narcissists are more dangerous is that they often have minimal regard for the feelings of others. They may appear charming and persuasive when interacting with others, but underneath this facade, they may be exploiting or manipulating those around them.
How to deal with a Covert Narcissist?
If you are in an intimate relationship with a covert narcissist, it can be challenging to identify the signs and know when to leave. Here are five tips for escaping the influence of a covert narcissist:
- Be honest with yourself and your partner about your feelings. Honesty is key in any relationship, and it is especially important when dealing with someone who has a personality disorder like narcissism. If you feel like you are being manipulated or your partner is using you, be honest about what’s going on. This will help both of you to make better decisions moving forward.
- Don’t allow yourself to be isolated from friends and family members. Covert narcissists often use their power to isolate their victims from the important people to them. If you find yourself becoming increasingly isolated, it might be time to take a step back and assess what is going on. Talk to your friends and family members about what’s happening in your relationship, and see if they can provide any insight or support.
- Don’t let the narcissist control your thoughts and emotions. It can be challenging to resist the influence of a covert narcissist, but you need to remember that you are not responsible for the way your partner thinks or feels. If you feel overwhelmed by their manipulations, try to take a step back and focus on your feelings and thoughts. This will help you to make better decisions in the future.
- Don’t let the narcissist control your life. If you find that the narcissist controls every aspect of your life, it might be time to take a step back and reassess what’s important to you. If you can’t live your life the way that the narcissist wants you to, it might be time to break free from their influence.
- Seek professional help if necessary. If none of these tips work for you, it might be time to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you understand the dynamics of your relationship and provide support as you try to break free from the narcissist’s grip.
It is essential to be aware of the signs of a covert narcissist. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important to seek help. Many resources are available to you, including online communities and support groups.